It could be the ECU, but I would think it’s more likely at that age that the transmission needs a rebuild. Have a transmission mechanic assess it for you.
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Having ruled out an SUV your choices are fairly limited. If you were prepared to buy used you could buy a late model Falcon, but if you want to buy new you’re really limited to an SUV. Most SUVs have good performance, they’re certainly not sluggish, and they aren’t all bulky. Something like a Toyota RAV4, Mitsubishi Outlander, or a Subaru Forester should be able to comfortably handle your towing needs.
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It has a timing chain, which doesn’t require changing regularly, as a belt does. The only serious problem the RAV4 suffered related to the ECU controlling the automatic transmission, which could fail resulting in erratic shifting.
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The Toyota RAV4 2003 prices range from $3,080 for the basic trim level SUV Extreme to $7,480 for the top of the range SUV Cruiser (4x4).