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I tried it lengthways, sideways and even on the diagonal, but despite my best efforts the box holding my new desk wouldn’t fit in the back of the Mitsubishi Triton.
And then it struck me — modern utes are a bit useless.
Alright, so ‘useless’ may be too strong a word, but the idea of a dual-cab ute and the reality of a dual-cab ute are incredibly different when it comes to practicality. Dual-cab utes are incredibly popular these days and are driven as much by families as they are by working tradies.
Now, if you’re a tradie, I’m sure they’re a very practical choice and make working life easy, in the way you can throw your tools in the tray and blaze off to the next job. But even for tradies who need to carry anything longer than your typical desk, the tray size in a modern dual-cab is problematic.
Modern dual-cab utes effectively have a square tray, not perfectly square but pretty close, which makes it convenient for smaller and shorter items but challenging when it comes to longer packages. For example, the Toyota HiLux tray is actually wider than it is long, measuring 1645mm wide but only 1570mm long. The Triton I was driving when I had my epiphany had a tray that measures 1520mm long and 1470mm wide. As for the most popular ute, the Ford Ranger, it has various sizes of tray but measures 1464mm long and 1520mm wide in the popular dual-cabs.
At this point I’ll concede that a 1500mm desk is a long item and not many vehicles would accommodate such a lengthy box… except I could squeeze it into a large SUV, with the seats folded down. Or in a van.
Which brings me to the most painful part of my realisation that utes aren’t as practical as they first appear - I have to concede my older brother is right about vans.
You see, my brother spent over 20 years in the USA and despite many years of happiness he eventually fell in with the wrong crowd — minivan drivers. He had a US-spec Honda Odyssey and loved it so much that when he returned to Australia he found the closest possible replacement — a Kia Carnival.
Being the helpful brother that I am, when he needed to move house, I offered to borrow a ute (for strictly review-related purposes, obviously) and take some of the bigger loads — you know, like fridges, couches, desks, those sorts of things. Except, it quickly emerged that the tray in the ute was basically useless (sorry, there’s that word again) when it came to shifting bigger items, the tray was far too short. Even with the tailgate down and the load secured safely it would have been protruding too far behind the ute to be safe to drive.
But you know what could fit all the biggest items? My brother’s van.
It was a major blow to the idea that the ute is Australia’s great invention and far superior to the daggy van.
The silver lining for the ute owners, who are no doubt seething at my anti-ute attitude (even though I don’t hate them, I just don’t think they’re as practical as people think), is you’re officially off the hook to help your friends move. Because now you can simply tell them that your ute’s tray is too small and they should ask their friend with the people-mover instead. You’re welcome…
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