J3's first Summernats: what's the worst that can happen?

While I'd never gone before, I certainly knew what Summernats is.

It’s the car festival to end all car festivals, in Australia at least. But even as a car guy who grew up in the country I never really understood the point of it.

But after spending three days soaking up the sights and sounds of Summernats 31 I can honestly say that I still don’t.

But now that I've been, this is why I think that Summernats is the best and worst car festival in Australia.

Best

Cars / Burnouts

From what I saw over the weekend, this is what Summernats mostly seems to be about: you own a car, you like that car, you spend thousands of dollars customising that car, and then you come to Summernats to show it off in one of two ways: sitting still, or by burning rubber.

If you're interested in the latter - and why would you not - you can take it to the burnout pad: an open skidpan caked in rubber and surrounded by the world's most enthusiastic crowd.

Naturally, for the sake of safety, the officials will tell you that all burnouts are strictly limited to this area, and not the cruise route.

If you are unfortunate enough to 'accidentally' slip the clutch and rip some mad skids, you will be quickly introduced to the Summernats officials who will strip your car of its attendance sticker and eject you from the event.

...Not that it really stops people from doing it from time to time.

Relatively friendly entrants

You have no idea who you'll meet at Summernats.

Walk up to the engine bay of an old XW Falcon at the Show 'n' Shine (or any of the more relaxed areas) and ask about the differences between a Cleveland and Windsor V8, and the owner will be more than happy to talk your ear off.

How did you come to owning this? How long have you had it for? Any future plans? You’ll have an all-day yarn if you show enough interest. Hell, you just might even find your new best mate.

Just don’t swagger in with a cane and a felt top-hat; I have a feeling you’ll be searching through the grass for your teeth in no time.

Frozen Cocktails

While there are plenty of stalls that sell sunnies, brewskies, and soggy Pluto Pups, Summernats takes it one step further.

Believe it or not, some of the stalls around Summernats actually sell frozen Coke… with bourbon. Not your thing? Try a generic frozen raspberry slushie with vodka, or even a zesty lime margarita.

Think everyone at Summernats is living in the past? Wrong - they’re from the future.

Worst

It’s bloody hot

Has your car ever been so hot you had to give it the 'hover hand'?

It’d be stupid to blame the Snats organisers for the extreme heat over the weekend, but the fact that it's hosted in the peak of summer is one thing to consider if you plan to go for a day. Or three, like this pasty moron did.

When you’re spending 8-plus hours in 40°C heat it’s interesting how little you need your urinary system. You drink, and drink, and drink, and it all just leaks out from under your arms.

There's also the endless application of sunscreen. By the second day I concluded that using my finger to apply sunscreen was pretty useless. Next year I'll save my time and apply it with a paint roller.

Lack of variety

Like a lot of V8 muscle cars and nothing else? Good - you've come to the right place.

While I was assured that Summernats has become more progressive to things that aren’t from Broadmeadows or Elizabeth, the appearances of anything from Japan or Europe are somewhat lacking. Apart from the odd rotary, where’s the rest?

Not to say that big V8s are lame, they certainly aren't, it's just that their popularity at Summernats ends up rendering them into white noise in the background. They’re that common.

The tools on Tuff street

Usually the signs are there to help protect the pedestrians, not the cars.

Part of the annoying douchebaggery at Summernats comes from the hi-vis security that overzealously patrol the perimeters.

While some are there to assist, there are plenty who take their jobs far too seriously. Sometimes to the extent where they force you to make a 20 minute walk around the carpark, out on the street, down the road, and in the official entrance, instead of just letting you reuse the empty gate RIGHT next to your car in the entrant car trailer carpark.

But the attitudes of security are just a reaction, the real problem comes from some of the punters.

I’ve been to the Bathurst 1000 plenty of times, and while people tend to overindulge with refreshments during the day, they at least have enough common sense to wait dusk to make a proper arse out of themselves.

Whether it's jumping over the barriers and slamming on the bonnet of a 600hp+ car that's absolutely tearing stuff up, or drunkenly hollering at a mother pushing her child in a pram, the tools down on Tuff street are exactly the reason why the rules and regulations keep getting stricter every year and ruin it for the rest of the crowd.

To be frank, it’s the epicentre of the worst behavior at Summernats, and something that desperately needs cleaning up before two minutes worth of media coverage makes too much noise about it and ends Summernats for good.

Want to know more about the old Corona that got us there? Read about the origins of Zero Bucks Given here.

Have you ever gone to Summernats? What did you think of it? Tell us what you think in the comments below.