What's the difference?
Driving naked is ill-advised, and possibly illegal, but taking a spin in the Lotus Exige 350 Sport is as close as you'd ever want to get. It's not so much that you feel you've left your clothes at home, but that the car has shed its accoutrements, and indeed its very flesh, leaving you with a kind of skeletal vehicle; just bare bones and muscle.
What this punishingly hard and fiercely focused machine does to your bones and flesh is best described as extreme chiropractry - in particular the stress of ingress and egress - but fortunately it makes up for the moans, bangs and bruises by fizzing your adrenal glands in a big way.
The question is whether the fun is worth the suffering, and the $138,782.85 price tag.
Holden's current Astra is the second go the car has had in this country, after first being badged an Opel to the sounds of crickets from the buying public. That hubristic exercise was followed by a brief withdrawal from the Australian market before returning, rather more sensibly badged (and sensibly-priced) as a Holden.
It chugged along quite nicely in 2017. It didn't break any records, no, but regularly broke the 1000 units per month mark to end up with about five percent of the small car market, which it shares with some serious competition from Europe and Japan.
The + in R+ means more safety, but also more money. Safety is good, but do you get anything else for your money?
To say the Lotus Exige 350 Sport exists at the very pointy end of motoring is a sharp understatement. It is, in essence, a track car that you’re somehow allowed to drive on the road, which means it's hugely compromised in various ways as a vehicle for day-to-day use, yet it's not really fair to criticise it for those failings, because commuting was never its intended purpose.
While it would obviously shine in its natural environment of a race circuit, the fact is you could also enjoy it enormously between track days if you pointed it at a suitably smooth and winding bit of country blacktop.
The performance, handling, steering and stopping are all fantastic, in the right conditions, and you can see how someone might justify it to themselves as a far cheaper version of a ($327,100) Porsche 911 GT3. The difference being that a Porsche doesn't make you fold yourself up like a pocket knife every time you get in.
The Lotus, then, is a car for the extreme enthusiast, only. And possibly for nudists, too.
The Astra's biggest problem is probably the Holden badge. Despite the company's best efforts, some buyers are wary of the company's longevity and some of the other cars in the range do the Astra no favours - Trax, Colorado and Barina feel cheap, because they are. The Astra isn't cheaply made and holds up very well in excellent company.
The Lotus philosophy is summed by this slightly absurd mission statement: "Simplify, then add lightness". In the words of the great Barnaby Joyce "you don’t have to be Sigmund Freud" to work out that lightness is not something you can 'add', but you get the idea.
Everything about a Lotus is focused on the power-to-weight ratio, and this 350 Sport version takes the Exige to the ultimate degree, weighing in a full 51kg lighter than the S version, at just 1125kg, and with its hefty 3.5-litre supercharged V6 it is capable of lapping the company’s Hethel, UK test circuit a full 2.5 seconds faster.
Lap times, rather than road manners, are what this car is all about, and as such there are no creature comforts of any kind.
The Exige is an eye-catching beast, though, looking a bit like Darth Vader's helmet strapped to a skateboard. Everything about it is a statement of intent, and while the interior is as bare as Barnaby's brain, the gear lever, with its exposed workings and shiny silver knob, is a thing of strange beauty.
The Astra is a sleek if slightly anonymous-looking thing. Having said that, it's a really nice design that looks more expensive than it is. That's important in this segment. Holden is at pains to tell us it's from Germany (the Astra is manufactured in Poland) and it does look Euro-influenced. Despite its coupe roofline, it's an easy in-and-out proposition but does sit a little lower than, say, an i30.
The odd blacked-out section of the C-pillar takes a bit of getting used to but the sheetmetal is otherwise faultless and well put together.
Inside it's a sea of grey plastic and various shades thereof, but again, it hangs together really well and is a welcome change from the Teutonically angular Golf. The materials are largely reasonable, but for some reason the stalks feel flimsy to touch and use.
The cloth trim is hardy but comfortable and I was grateful for its relative coolness versus what you might expect from the textile leather you're more likely to get at this level.
Both the words 'practical' and 'space' have no place in a road test of this Lotus, so shall we just move on?
Oh, all right. There is no shoulder room to speak of and to change gears you have to fondle your passenger's leg. You're also in danger of breathing into each other’s mouths accidentally, you’re sitting that close.
Speaking of impractical, the door apertures are so small, and the whole car so low, that getting in or out is about as much fun as attempting to hide in a child's suitcase.
Cupholders? Forget it, nor is there anywhere to put your phone. There are two tiny oddment storage holes just near each well-hidden door handle, and a kind of slidey, slick shelf where a glove box might be, on which it’s not safe to leave anything.
Put things on the floor and they will slide under the super low seats and never be seen again.
The Lotus people pointed out a parcel shelf behind the seats, but I think they imagined it, and there is a tiny boot at the rear, behind the engine, which is smaller than some actual boots.
Riding in the front, there's room aplenty for passengers, with good headroom and a well-designed space to maximise what's available. Rear seat passengers do okay as long as the front occupants are being generous, but the seat itself is comfortable and there's even good headroom, despite the falling roofline.
Only the front scores cupholders, with the rear passengers making do with door pockets that might swallow a small bottle. There isn't an armrest or air vents back there either.
There's somewhere for one front occupant to put their phone, a horizontal slot that doesn't like phones with covers or the larger format iPhones or Androids. If your phone does fit (iPhone Xs do, as it happens), it's useful because it's in your eyeline, although a bit untidy if you're plugged into the USB.
The boot starts at a class-compeititve 360 litres, rising to 1210 when you fold the seats down.
The question of 'value' is a tricky one when you’re looking at a $138,782.85 car that’s about as useful in day-to-day life as a matchbox-sized handbag. But you have to consider what people buy a Lotus for, and the answer has absolutely nothing to do with practicality.
A car like this Exige 350 Sport is purely purchased as a toy, a track-day special that you can, in theory, drive to the circuit via public roads. Franky, if I was rich enough to have one I’d still transport it there on the back of a truck.
Relatively speaking, you could have a far more practical and infinitely more comfortable Porsche Cayman for $30K less, but the Lotus is $30K cheaper than the similarly track-focused and brutal ($169,990) KTM X-Bow.
It is the opposite of comfortable.
In terms of features, you get four wheels, an engine, a steering wheel, some seats, and that’s about it. You can buy a circa 1993 removable-face two-speaker stereo, which you can't really hear over the engine and road noise, for $1199. Oh, and they do throw in air conditioning, which is also noisy.
Our slick-looking metallic black paint was also $1999, the 'full carpets' another $1099 (expensive floor mats, basically), the Alcantara trim pack $4499, cruise control (really?) $299 and the hilarious optional 'Sound Insulation' $1499 (I think they actually forgot to fit it). All up, our press car’s price climbed to $157,846, which, I have to say, is no one’s idea of good value.
On the plus side, the local Lotus people - Simply Sports Cars - do offer features a buyer would love, like regular Lotus Only Track Days, a chance to take part in the Phillip Island 6 Hour and the Targa High Country event, and various other racy experiences.
The Astra range opens with the R which, typically, you'd expect at the other end of the range with a lot more power, but there you go. You'd think the R+ was even more of a beast, but marketing is an imprecise science... apparently.
R isn't for racing, in our case it was a very bright shade of red. Starting at $23,740 for the auto (you can get a manual for a few bucks less), you get 17-inch alloys, a six speaker stereo, cloth trim, air-conditioning, reversing camera, power windows and mirrors, rear parking sensors, cruise control, auto headlights and wipers, remote central locking and a space-saver spare tyre.
The seemingly tiny screen (it's actually a competitive 7.0-inch unit) runs Holden's 'MyLink' but also has Apple CarPlay and Android Auto. For some reason you have to tell it to use those two useful additions rather than the system picking them up through the USB. Mystifyingly the button is marked 'Projection'. Aside from that, the system works well and sounds alright.
The reversing camera is of limited use - you'll see what's behind you but it's very flattened out and super-grainy.
In the past, Lotus engineers were satisfied with the power they got from tiny four-cylinder Toyota engines, but this Exige 350 Sport is a Very Serious Car and thus has a relatively whopping 3.5-litre, supercharged V6 shoehorned into its backside, which makes 258kW and 400Nm, and that's enough to fire this tiny machine from 0-100km/h in just 3.9 seconds, although it feels, and sounds, a lot faster.
The six-speed gearbox feels like it's been stolen from an old racing car and is an absolute joy to snick shift at speed.
The whole Astra range is turbo, but here in the cheaper seats it's a surprisingly capable 1.4-litre unit with 110kW and a healthy 240Nm. Power finds the road via the front wheels and a six-speed automatic. It's an otherwise unremarkable technical story, with start-stop to help cut fuel use.
The Astra is rated to tow 750kg unbraked and 1200kg braked.
Lotus claims a combined fuel economy figure of 10.1L/100km. We don't believe that would be easy to achieve, because the temptation to rev the hell out of it and hear it roar would be too great, and too constant.
Holden claims the Astra will drink standard unleaded at the rate of 5.8L/100km on the combined cycle.
Our time with the car, which was a 70/30 mix of suburban and highway, yielded 8.3L/100km, and it's worth noting it was stinking hot for most of the time, so the air-con had to work hard.
The fuel tank is a little on the small side at 48 litres, between five and 10 litres smaller than some of its competitors, like i30 and Golf.
It's rare to find a car that is such an improbable mix of furious fun and infuriating annoyance. The Lotus is rattly, noisy, hugely firm to the point of punishing, with seats that offer encouragement but not support.
It is the opposite of comfortable and so hard to see out of that driving it around town, in any sort of traffic, feels borderline dangerous. There’s also the distinct sensation that you’re so low and so little that all those people in their SUVs won't see you.
Throw in the fact that it's so painfully, stupidly difficult to get in and out of and it's definitely not the sort of car you take if you're heading to the shops. I got so sick of its hard-edged annoyances at one stage that I became too grumpy to even take people for joy rides in it. I just couldn’t be bothered with the hassle, but then an inner-city suburb with high kerbs and even higher speed humps is not the Exige's natural environment.
The gearbox is a thrill a minute, as is the engine.
Making it even more of a challenge around town, at low speeds or in parking situations is the steering, which isn't so much heavy as wilfully obtuse. Doing a three-point turn is the equivalent of 20 minutes of bench pressing your own body weight. At least.
Out on a winding bit of country road, however, the steering becomes one of the best things about the car, because its pure, unassisted weighting feels so alive in your hands. There’s a sense of actually wrestling, or finessing it around corners that makes you feel a bit Ayrton Senna.
Indeed, the whole car comes alive, and starts to make some kind of sense, once you're on a smooth, perfect piece of tarmac. It is fast, noisy, thrilling, utterly and overtly involving, stiff of chassis and firm of ride, with brakes capable of pulling you up with indecent haste. It’s also, thanks to its low centre of gravity and mid-engined layout, beautifully balanced.
The gearbox is a thrill a minute, as is the engine, particularly once you explore the upper rev ranges, at which point the scenery really does become a scary blur out the ridiculously small windscreen.
Sure, you can't see anything behind you other than the engine, but what a lovely sight that is, and nothing is going to catch you anyway.
It does feel edgy, of course, and sharp, and it’s not as easy or refined to drive as some cheaper sports cars; an MX-5 makes for a far more pleasant companion. But this is an extreme Exige, a machine built by and for genuine enthusiasts.
And, above all, for the sort of people who will take it to a race track, which is where it both looks and feels completely at home.
Unfortunately, on public roads, it would be annoying more often than it would be thrilling, but the truly hardcore Lotus aficionados would never admit such a thing.
I'm going to get my biggest gripe with the Astra out of the way first - the driving position is rendered awkward by the pedal placement. Every other part of the driving experience is perfectly fine, with good adjustment in the seat and steering wheel but the pedals are Not Right. The transition from accelerator to brake means a big lift of the right foot rather than a sideways shuffle and that gets boring. Perhaps I'm getting old and my knees are weak, but I ended up left-foot braking for a lot of the time.
On with the show. The Astra's 1.4 litre turbo is a punchy thing, more than vaguely reminiscent of Peugeot's excellent 1.2 in the 308. The six-speed auto isn't quite as well sorted, occasionally lurching a bit on light throttle like a dual-clutch. The pay-off for that is crisp shifts and a positive feel for most of the time.
The thing about the Astra is that it really takes it to its competition from behind the wheel. It feels almost as good as a Golf, i30 and arguably is as good as a Mazda3 thanks to its extra torque and better refinement.
It's very quiet, composed and is good fun if you like that sort of thing. Otherwise, it's streets ahead of the Corolla which continues to sell like it's going out of fashion.
Unsurprisingly, considering it will sell fewer than 100 cars in Australia, Lotus has not had the Exige ADR crash tested, so there's no star rating. You do get two airbags, passenger and driver, as well as ABS, 'Hydraulic Brake Assist', 'Lotus Dynamic Performance Management', driver-selectable ESP with three modes, cornering brake control and EBD.
The Astra R+ has six airbags, ABS, stability and traction controls, reversing camera and forward AEB with a delightfully simple yet effective head-up warning.
The Astra range (with the exception of the lowest-spec R) scored a five-star ANCAP safety rating in November 2016.
Your Lotus comes with a three-year unlimited kilometre warranty and three years of roadside assist. A service costs $295, plus parts.
Holden's three year/100,000km warranty includes roadside assist for the duration. You can also extend the warranty by up to three years or to 175,000km, for an extra cost.
Servicing is scheduled every nine months or 15,000km. Holden calls its fixed-price servicing 'Know Your Price' and it applies for the first six services (63 months or 105,000km). The first four services are set at $249 each, and the final three $309.