Audi S4 vs BMW Alpina B7

What's the difference?

Audi would probably prefer you not to realise this, but the five distinct versions of S4 and S5 on the market all pertain to a single performance and equipment formula spread across five different bodystyles. 

Yes five, and this has been the case for more than a decade, with the S4 sedan and Avant wagon, A5 two-door Coupe, convertible Cabriolet and five door liftback Sportback all representing vastly different shapes for you to choose from, with the same underpinnings. This simply echoes the A4 and A5 ranges they’re based on of course, and BMW clearly thought it was a good idea too, given the 3 and 4 Series ranges were split into individual lines at the start of last generation.

Mercedes-Benz offers a similar array, minus the liftback, but is happy to wrap the whole lot under the C-Class label. 

So, given that the A4 and A5 range scored a mid-life update a few months ago, it’s only logical that the changes flow on to the performance S4 and S5s, with the top-tier RS4 Avant following suit. 

We’ve covered the latter in October, and now it’s the turn for the former, and CarsGuide was among the first to drive the updated S4 and S5 ranges at their Australian media launch last week.

You know when you're walking along the footpath and you come to a soft spongey bit that the council have put in around a tree and your mind goes: "Whoah, the ground is bouncy but it looks just like bitumen?!"

Well that's the kind of response you'll get from people when they think they're looking at a regular BMW 7 Series, only to have their world go a bit bouncy when they see the Alpina B7 badge on the back of this car as you're overtaking them at Warp Factor 9000.

And you will be overtaking them like a blur because, thanks to the elves at German tuning house Alpina, the B7 is hugely fast for a five-seat, 5.3m-long, 2.2 tonne limo. But then the B7 is fast for any type of car of any dimensions, because with its 330km/h top speed this beast will outrun a McLaren 570GT. Yes, seriously.

Based on the BMW 750Li long wheelbase, the B7 begins life rolling down the same production line as a regular 7 Series. Alpina then goes on to make so many changes to the engine and chassis that the German government requires the BMW VIN to be replaced with a new one.

Ready to find out more? Well there's so much to see here that things may go a bit weird and bouncy again. Be prepared.