Five obscene Ferrari-branded products that shouldn't exist

There are crass branded products, and then there are these Ferrari branded products…

I’m sure you’ve heard the infamous fact that Ferrari makes more money from branded paraphernalia than it does from cars.

Remember though, there’s enough of… ahem… those people out there that these ill-conceived and illogically priced products not only sell in large numbers, they turn a tidy profit.

Acer Ferrari One

Cost: AU$782.51
How over-priced?: $200 based on competitors

You know those insufferable brand fanatics that swear by certain tech products? And I’m sure you also know those people who are insufferable supercar fanatics (even though they probably can’t afford one).

Well, imagine if you had a product that combines the worst of both worlds! This is the Acer Ferrari One and it’s a pretty average 11.6-inch laptop released in 2010. You’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that the buyer paid at least $200 too much for it and would be stuck with average performance and terrible battery life. But hey, it’s red and has a Prancing horse.

Kid’s Ferrari Shield Bathrobe

Cost: AU$85
How over-priced?: At least $30 based on competitors

The best way to make your kids resent something you love is to smother them in it. If driving them to school in your second-hand California isn’t already doing that, here’s how you can speed up the process. Any kid will be absolutely stoked to get this, and Christmas is coming up! (which is fortuitous, because at the time of writing this product is 50% off from the Ferrari store, a bargain at AU$42.50 plus shipping.)

I can hear the “Oi don’t. So embarrassing. No, I’m not wearing it right now! Everybody at school says the California is for posers anyway.” already.

Ferrari Carbon Fibre Pen Holder + Ferrari Roller Ball Pen

Cost: AU$594
How over-priced?: $574 based on Officeworks equivalent

Isn’t carbon fibre kind of counter-intuitive for a pen-holder? Like, don’t you want it to be a bit heavy so it isn’t pushed over by a light breeze from the air-conditioning? Yeah, this is literally an inanimate pen-holder made of carbon fibre bearing a Ferrari badge. That’ll be US$310, thanks.

What’s the point of that without a pen though? No worries, buy it alongside this US$145 Sheaffer roller-ball pen. Surprisingly, the only colour on offer is red. We hope the ink is blue or black, though… Just try not to drop it. Or buy a set of eight that you can drop from Officeworks for AU$17. Or not, who are we to judge?

Ferrari Carbon Fibre Chess set

Cost: AU$2350.15
How over-priced?: $2190.15 based on a ‘regular’ carbon fiber chess set equivalent

So, as it turns out, carbon fibre chess sets are a thing. Only, regular brand-free carbon fibre chess sets for mere mortals only need set you back $160 dollarydoos. Admittedly, the Ferrari one looks kind of sweet with one set of pieces painted in signature Rosso Corsa red, maybe not an extra $2190.15 sweet, though. (also the same thing applies with the pen-holder… why would you want this object to be lighter?)

It’s nice you’ll have something to do while you wait for your car to be serviced… wait, what?

Kaspersky Anti-Virus Special Ferrari Edition

Cost: AU$90
How over-priced?: $10 compared to the regular edition

What’s the dorkiest thing you can think of that’s come out of an F1 sponsorship? See, Kaspersky has been a Ferrari sponsor for quite some time, and, in 2010, figured that an obvious move would be to brand an anti-virus suite. Y’know for the fans… Probably the same ones who bought the above Acer laptop.

I honestly want to know the sales figures. Installing Anti-virus can be more of an ordeal than actually getting a virus, so I can’t imagine anyone thinking: ”I really wish somebody would make an anti-virus that can reflect the worst parts of my personality”. Maybe it was something more like: "It's Ferrari anti-virus so it must be fast!" each to their own, I guess… At least it’s only $10 extra.

What’s the worst Ferrari branded product you’ve ever seen (we know there are more out there). Tell us in the comments.

There's also terrible merchandise from other brands, check these out:

Five Porsche Design products that'll make you scratch your head