Computer says no
By Paul Gover · 11 Jun 2013
"Computer says no" is my favourite line from the wickedly clever Little Britain television series, because it's such a telling reflection of modern life.Computers rule the world and if you cannot get along with the little black boxes, or at least arrange some sort of non-aggression pact, life is not fun.My time on the road over the past 25 years has been riddled and riled by computer problems of all sorts, from recalcitrant cars through to laptops that needed major intervention by a manchild named Nick at the other end of an international telephone line.The power of the PC is rammed home to me, once again, as Volkswagen flails and fights against the surging tide of bad news in Australia about its Golfs and DSG gearboxes.I should point out that those dramas are nothing new to anyone on the Carsguide crew. We've been fielding complaints and trying to help people for years, usually battling the arrogance and denial which has led Volkswagen Australia to where it is today.But, as I face a fresh tide of incoming emails this week, I get to thinking about the power of the computer and how it could - quite easily - have contributed to the Volkswagen dramas.There was a time, not so long ago, when a quality mechanic was worth their weight in Sidchrome.These days, new-age technicians have flooded workshops across the country and old-fashioned experience and intuition has been replaced by plug-and-play computer analysis.No-one really wants to waste time on a test drive or hands-on diagnosis when it's so easy to plug the 'diagnostic tool' into a socket, interrogate the car and see if there are any of the telltale 'error codes' popping up.The first time I saw one of these devices, a combined effort by BMW and Bosch, it was a revelation. It was obviously a key to the future.But that future has arrived and 'error codes' have become both the objective and the excuse for far too many of the people on the service side of a workshop counter.Every week I get dozens of disgruntled emails and the power of the computer diagnosis is reflected in the number of people who are dissatisfied with their workshop outcome. Often they report being dismissed because their complaint or concern does not match the printout from their car's Electronic Control Unit.I'm hearing "Computer says no" almost every day. Even when a real person takes a car for a real-world test drive, it often ends in tears and tangles when the complaint is dismissed as 'within tolerance'.Is that just another version of "Computer says no"?Doctors are taught that bedside manner is as important as any diagnosis of illness, because it honours the concerns of their patient and makes them feel they are part of the solution and not just creating a problem.Perhaps that's a lesson that now also needs to be taught in the world of motoring, before the rise of the computer becomes totally irreversible.I, for one, don't enjoy the prospect of a world where - to twist another line from Little Britain - you arrive at a workshop to hear "I'm the only mechanic in the village".This reporter is on Twitter: @paulwardgover