Transformers you're more likely to meet than Optimus Prime

Yesterday was the Australian premiere of Transformers: The Last Knight, the most recent of Michael Bay's robot slug-fests.

Since the release of the first entry in the live-action series all the way back in 2007, the Transformers movies have used real-world cars, concept cars and military hardware as their lead characters.

Like any self-respecting geek, I've had my fair share of fantasies about my car being able to transform into a cool robot pal that I have adventures with. But the thing is, the Autobots and Decepticons take their earth disguises from the area surrounding them after they land on earth. This is fine, except I don't live anywhere near a Chevrolet test track, so I'd have to make do with my robot guardian taking the form of a second-hand Laser.

"Goddamn it, when I said I wanted to see a laser fight this is NOT what I meant!"

So let's say, hypothetically, that your very own Autobot guardian has landed in your neighbourhood. It scans the area nearby for a vehicle to disguise itself as and it happens on one of the following. What would your transforming pal be like if they chose to disguise themselves as:

Toyota Camry

You just know that somewhere inside this hyper advanced robot is a little tin of barley sugars.

Forget Optimus Prime, you're getting your very own Autobot guardian: Economy Prime!

Every member of the Autobots has a specific job. Optimus Prime is the leader, Ironhide does weapons, Ratchet is the medic, and Economy Prime handles their finances.

But honestly, in the scheme of things, that would work out just fine for you. Do you really want to be caught in the middle of an age long conflict with murderous space robots? Wait... let me rephrase that: do you really think that you would survive being caught in the middle? Let's face it; you can barely handle stubbing your toe, let alone being chased by a sentient fighter jet who's out for your blood.

Economy Prime might not be a fighter, but with his superior robot brain he's going to make sure that from here on out, you're going to get the most out of your tax return and the biggest savings on your weekly grocery shop.

Holden Ute

A robot protector that smokes tyres AND Winnie reds.

"Forget Economy Prime!" I hear you say.

"I want something exciting! Shia LaBeouf got that sweet-ass Camaro! I want a muscle car as my Autobot pal!"

Well, be careful what you wish for, otherwise you might just end up with Fishtail, the beer chugging, rubber burning Autobot who, when choosing an earthly form, decided your neighbour's Holden Ute with the Jetpilot decal and the 'I don't have a filter – deal with it' bumper sticker was the way to go.

Fishtail, or as he prefers to be called 'Fishie' and sometimes 'Dave' (if he's feeling fancy), is pretty much the exact opposite of Economy Prime. He's loud, brash and instead of driving you away from the aforementioned sentient fighter jet on a killing spree, is going to drive you toward it while blasting Cold Chisel at full volume.

Sure, you'll get into some exciting adventures, but sooner or later you're going to realise that for a supposed guardian he might just be putting you in more danger than if you'd never met him.

Range Rover Evoque

An Autobot who, when mad, is more terrifying than Megatron could ever hope to be.

Weirdly, Autobot Evoque shares her name with the vehicle she's disguised as.

Evoque will make sure that you're kept as safe as possible from both the terrifying death-bots turning your neighbourhood into a battle scarred hellscape and from the judging eyes of your neighbours, which is the only reason she asked if you were really going to wear that top when you left the house this morning, she didn't mean anything by it, she's just worried that you might run into someone from the golf club who's going to be more judgemental than her. Or... you know... Megatron.

Powered by Energon and reasonably priced Shiraz, Evoque is a capable guardian in most locations, but where she really shines is in the city. She'll keep you safe from danger and fight with the sheer fury of Sharon who held up the line for ten minutes at Woolworths for a rant about why the person working the checkout doesn't even have a real job anyway and they should just validate the damn voucher whether it's expired or not!

As far as guardians go Evoque will make you feel safe, if a little self-conscious.

Hyundai i30

Robots in sensible, economical disguise.

Much like Economy Prime, Humblebee seems like she's pretty boring as far as Autobot guardians go.

She's not the fastest, the strongest, the biggest or the coolest. But when it comes down to it, the whole point of being a Transformer is that you're a robot in disguise.

Or to provide readily available electricity. (Image credit: Dave Pape)

How disguised do you think you'd be cruising around in a Ferrari or Lamborghini? Think about how many Aventadors you see every day compared to how many i30s. Can you even remember the last i30 you saw? Of course not! That's the point!

Humblebee could roll right past the Decepticon headquarters and nobody would be the wiser, and if she needs to kick it up a notch, well she might just push herself to achieve her next level, Humblebee N.

Humblebee is that confident and mature friend who knows who she is and what she's about. That said, a part of you suspects she still regrets not choosing the form of a Volkswagen Golf.

Subaru WRX

After arriving on earth, Rex was confused as to why he already had an official fan club.

Autobot Rex is tough, fast and capable. All of this would make him a great guardian, except you're going to develop this weird suspicion that he's selling drugs on the side.

You don't even know where he'd get them or what he'd use the money for, but the fact remains, he's going to spend a lot of time just idling in fast food parking lots, and he can't even eat.

Yeah... maybe give Economy Prime a call.

What car would you like as your Autobot guardian? Tell us what you think in the comments below