Psst... Wanna hear a scary story? Or five? Because this is the internet and we do everything in fives.
Well, gather around the campfire and get ready, because things are about to get spooky.
The world is full of myths and legends about cars, and I'm not talking about myths like 'it's illegal to drive in thongs'.
No, I'm talking about the horror stories that happened to a friend of a friend. The stories that your older sibling or cousin told you when you were a kid, insisting that they were one hundred per cent true. The stories about curses, hauntings and demonic possession that make you look over your shoulder to check more than just your parking.
There are more creepy cars out there than you might think, and we've cherry picked some of the best stories for you.
So turn out the lights (actually maybe don't do that, reading on a screen in the dark is like, super bad for your eyes) and get ready to be spooked. But don't worry, they're only stories. Or are they?
No, they are.
The jumping Megane of Cape Town
The year was 2004. George W. Bush was still in charge of the USA., Mean Girls had just hit cinemas and Shrek was a legitimate advertising tool instead of an ironic meme (and possibly religious figure?).
It was also the year that gave us the story of the Jumping Megane of Cape Town.
One night in Cape Town, South Africa, a Renault Megane sedan sprang to life on its own, quite literally.
How does a ton of metal just start bouncing uphill of its own volition?
According to News24, nine people, two of which were police officers, heard the car 'roar' as though someone was pushing the accelerator as it began to... well, 'jump'. Not only was it jumping, but it was jumping uphill. With the handbrake engaged. And nobody inside. With no keys in the ignition.
So, how does a ton of metal just start bouncing uphill of its own volition?
Ghosts. Or demons. Obviously.
But, if you're after a 'realistic' answer like Renault was (which presumably didn't want people to think they were selling people the new Pazuzu Edition Megane), then I guess you can buy their explanation of a rusty starter cable causing the incident.
Okay, fine. But, as the legend goes, even if it was a rusty starter cable, how do you explain the car 'roaring' as though someone was inside gunning the accelerator?
The "Little Bastard"
The Little Bastard is one of the world's best-known haunted cars. To not include it on this list would be breaking some kind of internet top-five writer's code.
Little Bastard was the affectionate nickname given by James Dean to his Porsche 550 Spyder. We've talked about the death of James Dean before, but what we didn't cover was the supposed curse hovering over the car.
As the myths go, after Dean's death the remains of the Little Bastard were bought by Dr. William F Eschrich, a Classic Sports Car Club (CSCC) racer who had competed against Dean. Eschrich dismantled the wreckage and repurposed parts of the engine. Eschrich took some for his own car and gave the rest to a fellow racer, Dr. Troy McHenry.
In the first race after the transplants, there were two accidents: McHenry was killed after he hit a tree and Eschrich was injured when his car rolled over, and that's not the end of it.
Barris' plan was to restore the car and take it on tour. But, the car was still plagued by mysterious circumstances.
The totalled body of the Spyder was sold to George Barris, who designed cars for movies and TV, notably the Batmobile from the 1960s Batman TV series.
Barris' plan was to restore the car and take it on tour. But, the car was still plagued by mysterious circumstances. A storage facility housing the sports car caught fire, but only caused minimal damage to the Porsche. Not only that, but while being trucked from Florida to Los Angeles the Little Bastard straight up disappeared from a sealed boxcar.
Yep, it just up and vanished. People claim to have found parts of it but as the legend stands, the Little Bastard (and the curse attached to it) has been lost.
It's worthwhile to note that there is a theory that George Barris is the one actually responsible for the curse as he seems to be the biggest authority on it, writing about it in his 1974 book Cars of the Stars. It's believed that he invented the curse in order to drum up publicity for the restored Little Bastard's tour.
SS-100-X
SS-100-X was the name given by the Secret Service to the 1961 Lincoln Continental four door convertible limousine used by then U.S. President John F. Kennedy.
You already know where this is going don't you?
After Kennedy was assassinated in November 1963, SS-100-X was still in use by the secret service. It was given upgrades for better protection including: bullet resistant glass, titanium armour plating and a permanent bulletproof roof. Used by President Lyndon Baines Johnson, SS-100-X was repainted black, because Johnson thought the original navy blue colouring was too reminiscent of the assassination.
SS-100-X was eventually retired and now lives at the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, Michigan.
If you fancy getting creeped out, go and see the car, preferably in late November. That's when people most frequently report seeing a figure dressed in grey, standing beside the car...
The Black Volga
The myth of the Black Volga comes from several countries in the Soviet Union during the 1960s and 1970s. It describes a black Volga limousine that would abduct people and unless you're Liam Neeson's kid, being abducted in Eastern Europe (or anywhere for that matter) is probably the scariest thing on this list. Actually... even if you are Liam Neeson's kid. Because he's an actor. And Taken was pretend.
According to legend, The Black Volga would not only cruise around hunting for prey, but it was particularly fond of abducting children, because it had a list of creepy horror tropes to fill out and it was going to FILL that list, goddamn it!
Nobody ever saw the driver of the mysterious limousine but there are multiple theories about who was behind the abductions. The list includes priests, nuns, Jewish people, vampires, satanists and even Satan himself. Some sightings of the car even report the wing mirrors being replaced with horns, because if Satan is behind the wheel he wants you to know it. I'm honestly surprised that there's no variant of the story where the license plate reads 'Hell on Wheels' in Cyrillic.
So why did the Black Volga kidnap people? Most versions of the myth say their bodies were used as a sort of... alternative medicine. The blood and organs of the stolen children were apparently harvested and sold to wealthy foreigners as a cure for diseases like leukemia. Which, like most urban legends, doesn't really hold up if you think about it too much.
If Satan WAS behind the wheel, why does he need to sell body parts? Is he behind on rent? Does he have gambling debts? Maybe he wouldn't need to sell children if he'd stop betting all his gold fiddles.
The Golden Eagle
Supposedly the real life version of Christine, the titular murder-car and co-star of the novel by Stephen King, The Golden Eagle, also known as 'the most evil car in America', is definitely one of the creepier entries on this list.
The Golden Eagle is the nickname given to a 1964 Dodge 330 Limited Edition with a pretty grisly history.
The Golden Eagle started life as a police cruiser in Old Orchard Beach, in southern Maine, USA. It earned a reputation for being cursed when the first officer assigned to it died in a murder-suicide, killing his family and himself. This happened two more times.
Including these deaths, the Golden Eagle has been blamed for the loss of 14 lives. One of these was a child who was dared to touch the car. As the legend goes he then went on to murder his entire family, even the dog, and burn their house to the ground.
That said, the Golden Eagle's current owner, Wendy Allen, hasn't had any problems with the car, other than that one time when it threw its doors open on the freeway for no apparent reason.
But, that hasn't stopped certain groups from trying to rid the world of the 'demon car', vandalising it, and even going as far as stealing it and dismantling it, hiding different parts at different junkyards in an attempt to kill it once and for all.
Although as the stories go, some of the people who vandalised the Golden Eagle died afterwards, some in traffic accidents, others were supposedly struck by lightning. So yeah, probably best to let sleeping eagles lie.
What's the scariest ghost car you've ever heard of? Spook us in the comments below.
(Don't be too scared, check out Captain Disillusion's explanation of what happened)
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