The best car jokes for petrolheads

Everyone loves a good joke and car enthusiasts are no different because they all love funny car jokes.

You name it and chances are there’s a car joke about it: driving jokes, car jokes for kids, car dad jokes, car jokes for adults, electric car jokes, car mechanic jokes, race car jokes, as well as car insurance jokes and car salesman jokes.

So, here’s our exhaustive (exhausting?) line-up of jokes about cars.

Car jokes for kids

Q: Why was the car always tired?

A: It never took any brakes.

Q: What kind of car does Yoda drive?

A: A Toy-yoda.

Q: Why should you always carry peanut butter in your car?

A: In case there’s a traffic jam.

Q: Why did the man throw his spare tyre into the woods when he got lost?

A: Where there’s a wheel, there’s a way.

Q: What did you do with all those old car batteries?

A: I gave them away, free of charge.

Car dad jokes

Q: Why does it cost so much to put air in a tyre?

A: Inflation.

A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender says, “I’ll serve you but you’d better not start anything.”

My wife asked me if I could go wash the car with our son. I told her a hose and sponge would be more efficient.

Q: What did the car say to the stop light?

A: You’ve changed, man!

My wife gave birth to our son in the car on our way to the hospital. We named him Carson.

Car jokes for adults

I just got nine out of 10 on my driver’s test. The last guy was able to get out of the way.

Q: What do you need to be able to drive in the outback?

A: You need to show koala-fications.

The worst thing about reverse parking is witnesses.

Q: What kind of cars do people in Norway drive?

A: Fjords.

Q: What’s the difference between a Land Rover and a golf ball?

A: You can drive a golf ball more than 100 metres.

Electric car jokes

New Teslas don’t have that familiar new car smell – they have an Elon Musk.

So, 95 per cent of the EVs sold in Australia are still on the road today. The rest were able to be driven home.

Do people in EVs listen to AC/DC or something current?

I walked into an EV dealership and asked them how much they charge.

Q: Did you hear about the new EV from Germany?

A: It’s a Volts-wagen.

Race car jokes

“Who won the 1975 Formula 1 World Championship?
“Lauda.”
“WHO WON THE 1975 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP?!”

Q: What do strippers and the best F1 drivers have in common?

A: They start in pole position.

Q: How do you make a million dollars racing at Bathurst?

A: Start with two million dollars!

Q: What do drivers wear under their fire-retardant race suits?

A: Speedos.

If you can’t fix something on your race car with a hammer, then it’s an electrical problem.

Car salesman jokes

Anyone want to buy Doc Brown’s DeLorean? He only drives it from time to time.

I went to my local car dealership and was looking at a potential buy when a salesman approached me.

I was interested in if the interior was roomy enough to fit my family, dog and camping gear.

I said: “Cargo space?”

He said: “No, car go on road.”

I visited a car dealership last week to check out the Toyota LandCruiser 300 Series Sahara. I'm now just waiting to be paid…. so I can catch an Uber and go look at it again.

What happened to the car dealership when it ran out of Kias?

It sells Nokias now.

A man walks into a Lada dealership and says "I'd like a hubcap for my Lada”.

The dealer says: “That sounds like a fair swap.”

Car crash jokes

I was in a lot of pain after I injured my neck in a car accident last year.

Now I can look back and laugh.

When I wrecked my last car, I solved the mystery of whether or not a Mercedes bends.

When I regained consciousness after a car crash, the doctors tried to tell me I was actually a Swedish guy who had amnesia.

I said: “Ha! I’m not falling for that one – I wasn't Bjorn yesterday!”

Q: Did you hear about the car crash in Moscow?

A: It turns out the guy was Russian to work.

Q: What do you call it when a dinosaur gets into a car crash?

A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

Car mechanic jokes

A lot of mechanics reckon the best way to fix any car is to sort out the loose nut on the driver’s seat.

Q: Did you hear about the mechanic who was addicted to drinking brake fluid?

A: She said she could stop any time she wanted to.

A mechanic mate of mine reckons a good way to get rid of annoying customers is tell them to go to the nearest Supercheap Auto or Autobarn and ask for a long wait.

Q: What did the disgruntled customer say to the mechanic?

A: “You auto know better!”

Mechanic: “When were your tyres last rotated?”

Me: “On the way here, mate.”

Car insurance jokes

Q: What do hospital gowns and car insurance policies have in common?

A: You’re usually not as covered as you think you are.

Q: What’s the difference between a new puppy and a car insurance company when you make a claim?

A: The puppy stops whining after a week or two.

A bloke was talking to a police officer after a car accident and explaining why he didn’t have car insurance.

“There are worse things in life than pranging your car,” the bloke said.

“Oh, yeah – what?” the police officer said.

To which the bloke replied: “Talking to an insurance company sales rep.”

A drunk bloke stumbles into a hotel where a car insurance convention is being held and yells, "All insurance agents are crooks, and if anyone doesn’t like it, come up and do something about it."

A man immediately runs up to the drunk and says, "You take that back!"

The drunk replies, "Why, are you an agent?"

"No," the man says, “I'm a crook.”

A car insurance sales rep dad was teaching his daughter to drive when the car’s brakes suddenly failed while going down a steep hill.

The daughter screamed: “I can’t stop!" What should I do?"

The car insurance sales rep dad said: “Try to hit something cheap!”