The big Toureg R50 is more a town car than a traditonal bush-basher.
A self-described ?4WD writer? recently attempted to take yours truly to task for ?failing? to take big 4WDs offroad.
And that particular missive came to mind on Wednesday while piling along in Volkswagen's Touareg R50.
This 2.6-tonne chunk of 5.0-litre V10 turbo diesel would very likely carve upexpanses of nature in a fashion of which our rustic chum would approve.
The reality, of course, is that no R50 will be so deployed. A hint is its hardly Leyland Brothers-esque 21-inch alloys shod with low-profile rubber, and the absence of a spare.
Actually, an ad campaign depicted the regular V10 Touareg towing a passenger jet. There's not a lot of call for that sort of thing either — although if you happen to live at Mascot ...
Anyway, our friend from the leather-Akubra-and-abundant-facial-hair brigade hasn't twigged that this is the 21st century and them there sprawling clusters of huts we call “cities” contain 95 per cent of the population.
And most SUVs (as we call 'em now) never see terrain much further west than, or any more challenging than, the parking lot of Woollahra Oval.
Indeed, as we inched painfully around Surry Hills, almost every second auto on show was an SUV.
Shod in those bling rims, clad in the metallic blue hue with odd interior metal accents of VW's R-series vehicles (the Golf R32 and forthcoming Passat R36), this here Touareg is for boulevards, boy, not back tracks.
And, of course, for queuing outside the better-to-do schools, inevitably driven by over-groomed mothers (who'll just love the vast wing mirrors).
So the only pertinent question is just how ludicrously overdone the R50 is for this urban jungle, with its clogged, decaying roads and multiplying clusters of speed cameras.
We've asserted that Audi's closely related Q7 (with 4.2-litre, direct-injected V8 turbo diesel) is a blast on the autobahn but a bit of a bugger around Sydney Town, where the roads are of asimilar standard now as in 1788.
In this country, you'll seldom legally access more than a fraction of the R50's 258kW and Wagnerian 850Nm from 2000rpm. But it's unexpectedly easy to deal with in the 'burbs.
The VW's response with the go pedal shoved down is face-flatteningly emphatic. But, as opposed to the rather toey manner of the Q7, it has at least some room to move between go and the arrival of terminal torque.
Nor is the R50's stop pedal as irritatingly over-servoed as the Audi's. In fact, you'd like more bite.
I was warned that the VW might have difficulty getting its mad capability smoothly to the road, but the R50's six-speed Tiptronic auto and all-wheel drive were equal to the task.
Although almost comically overpowered, it achieved exceptional peak-hour average economy of 14 litres per 100km, dropping to 11.4 over a 250km combined freeway and arterial-road run. Progress at cruising speed iseffortless.
The running-gear package includes a sport mode in which the R50's air suspension can be manually or automatically lowered by 20mm to complement the stiffer spring rate.
With suspension and ride height set at the most dynamic (sport may be terse, but comfort mode is so soft as to be sick-making), the R50 comports itself more than capably on a downhill run of 25km/h corners.
Body roll is impressively contained, to the extent that this enormous steel castle imbues you with confidence as it wends its way through the teeming rain and mist, very possibly terrifying drivers of smaller cars (most cars, actually) as it looms over them.
The R50's visual statement is strong, but not Hummer-ly horrible. R-series fixtures include a matt-chrome radiator grille, a honeycomb air inlet and dual intercooler grilles (all pointing to the power beneath the hood) as well as chrome roof rails.
The Touareg's safety package has earned five stars, as opposed to the Q7's four, in European NCAP testing.
There's a switchable Electronic Stabilisation Program, self-levelling, bi-xenon headlights with cornering lights and cleaning system, parking sensors, a rear-vision camera and — onthe passive front — six airbags.
Apparently the ABS-plus brakes adapt brake pressure in off-road conditions to reduce stopping distances as much as 20 per cent.
Not that any owner will find that out.
Within, this is the best current Volkswagen, perceptibly behind Audi in terms of material and plastics quality but by no means embarrassed.
The Touareg doesn't qualify as refined on the road, though; there's just a bit too much road and engine noise.
At $129,900, the R50 represents good value by the standards of this segment. It's $8K up on the “non-R” V10 TDI Touareg (which runs a 230kW/750Nm version of the V10) and $6K up on the slightly quicker and lighter Q7 4.2 TDI.
The latter achieves 100km/h from rest in a claimed 6.4 seconds to the VW's 6.7. The nearest equivalent diesel Range Rovers are sluggish off the mark by comparison, but kill both VW Group variants for cachet.
Very much like the Audi, however, the value — indeed, the intelligent choice — comes far further down the range with those variants packing the excellent 3.0 TDI V6. That the Touareg version happens to begin some $11K cheaper at $74,990 should be persuasive.
But not to that sub-branch of the human species who are aroused by the R50's particular distinction of boasting 10 cylinders under the bonnet and more torque than anything this side of exotic money can muster.
And that, in so far as it can be said to be one, is surely the object of the whole R50 exercise.
SNAPSHOT
VOLKSWAGEN TOUAREG R50
Price: $129,990
Engine: 5L/V10 twin turbo diesel, 258kW/850Nm
Performance: 0-100km/h: 6.7 secs
Economy: 11.2L/100km (tested)
