Australian Motor Show opening day part 1

Each carmaker presented their new cars to the media on opening day in ways that reflected their brands, ranging from the inner sex kitten, blustering diva, demure sophistication and plain old snoring.

The racy factor wasn’t lost on show organisers either, with one saying that the official live webcast likely had something to do with the look-at-me attitude of stand performances. "The competition for camera time was much fiercer than previous years," said one organiser. "I see the brands are injecting an element of showbiz because at the end of the day it’s a series of opportunities for publicity. And sex sells."

Numbers are sexy

And the sexiness kicked off immediately with the head of the Federal Chamber of Automotive Industries starting the event at 8am. This bloke did an admirable job of presenting sales figures and even though they were damp, he somehow made them hot.

As sexy as tap water

Things ratcheted to a higher gear as the press pack was quickly shuffled to the Holden stand.

The great Aussie icon doesn’t do glitz and wouldn’t know glamour if she walked up and offered a freebie out of sympathy.

With almost no pomp and ceremony, a Holden suit gave a speech about how great the company is before the cover came off the Hummer H3.

The press had been briefed on this the night before, so there was less wow factor and more confusion at the fact Holden was now selling the worst performing SUV for fuel efficiency on the planet.

While some say that Motor Show unveilings accurately reflect the value of a car maker, the Hummer’s heavy fuel consumption at least makes the VE Commodore look like a conservative drinker.

Holden’s HSV group also ripped the covers off a fancy WM Grange, but the average age of motoring journo was too young to get excited. Not that Holden’s bling machine isn’t a comfy V8 powerhorse and well worth a look for retirees with no imagination.

Holden then unveiled the highlight of its stand – two new Astra twin top convertibles. The sporty Astras come with some sense of wow by joining the growing cabal of retractable hardtops.

The Captiva SUV was also on show after its public release just weeks ago and it would be the first time most people see the vehicle. Likely to be a fierce competitor to the Ford Territory and Japanese made SUVs, Holden’s new Korean made Captiva shows impressive pricing and specs with the 3.2L V6 starting at $36,000.

Of course, the Ford and Holden rivalry wouldn’t be what it is if they didn’t copy each other, so there was little surprise when moments later Ford announced a convertible.

The Ford Focus coupe-cabriolet comes mid next year and exudes all the style and elegance of a Ford Focus without a roof.

The new topless version of popular Focus has a chrome strip bearing an embossed Focus logo to ensure that a premium feel is conveyed. Everyone knows that chrome equals classy and the new Focus is no exception the rule that is almost always broken as a cheap stunt to dress mutton as lamb.

Brands like Holden and Ford don’t really exude images of raging sex on wheels, and nor did they try to with stands and unveilings that were in keeping with their admirably chastity.

Leader of the pack

Ferrari is a different story. No matter how hard they try, Ferrari can not shake the image of being the car industry equivalent of what the Bible refers to as temptations of the flesh. One suspects they’re trying too hard at all and the 599 GTB unveiled did nothing to help us avert our jaw dropping gaze.

Brazilian martial artists performed before the silk dress dropped off the 599. It’s understood that the fearsome display was a statement of this car’s on road ferocity. It was neatly balanced by three Italian models casually oozing the sex appeal the brand patiently endures while it goes about its business of being the most lusted after car at the show.

We’re told that the 599 GTB does 0-100km/h in three seconds and since the motoring press are hardly known for their hyper intelligence, Ferrari’s boss counted out loud. "That’s 1, 2, 3 and you’re doing 100k". It was a good thing he did, as journo’s were visibly counting on their fingers only to be relieved of trying to work out what came after two.

We’re also told that the GTB 599 has the same computer used by Michael Schumacher, presumably in his formula one car rather than his home desktop, and that the car is "a mind altering experience". We’re not sure what this means, but a Ferrari suit did confirm that the GTB 599 was not designed in Amsterdam.

Super sport

Next up was Audi, whose boss should consider replacing the lead singer of Rammstein if running a car company bores him. With a remarkable resemblance and demeanor to the East German Industrial band, Audi’s boss unveiled the R8.

The R8, in this hacks opinion, is the show highlight. Yeah Ferrari, Maserati, Bentley and whatever. The R8 is the super sports car for people who can afford a Porsche but don’t want to turn up wearing the same dress as the other A-list celebrities.

Expected to sell for between $250-$300k, the R8 has an aluminium space frame and visible engine right behind the only two seats offered. You could expect a bit of noise from the Le Mans developed V8 whose 420bhp moves you from 0-100 in 4.6 seconds.

All fired up

There’s firepower then there’s fireworks, and the Mitsubishi stand was lit up from the red faced fury of its boss Rod McEniry.

McEniry wasted no time in attacking the ABC for recent reports that the car maker was secretly planning to shut down.

On a high and wide platform, McEniry fulminated about the attack on his integrity by the ABC in airing a leaked report that he commissioned called Project Pheonix. The report recommended a cut and run shut down by next year, with no notice to staff, suppliers or the Federal government.

McEniry vigorously denied Mitsubishi was planning a shut down and that the report was merely one of 12, which he commissioned as part of responsible governance.

"That story put people in an embarrassing position and I get offended when my integrity is questioned," he said. It’s a governance issue and I have to review the strategic positions of every area of the company."

While he was saying that management had flatly rejected the Project Phoenix recommendations, the press pack found it difficult to concentrate on anything other than barely dressed Mitsubishi models.

It was possibly a world first that a company executive was frothing at the mouth while journalists were as placated as puppies with a bone.

The opening day at the Motor Show was stolen by the elite models at the Mitsubishi stand, whose lightweight plunging dresses convinced everyone they could reveal the full picture at any moment and it was just a matter of concentrating really hard.

Oh, and Mitsubishi released some cars. Good cars in fact. A Colt turbo cabriolet with a hard top retractable roof reminded everyone the difference between a Pinninfarina designed car and a Holden Astra.

TV commercials for the new $37,000 Colt start tonight.

Mitsubishi also announced a new 3 Door Pajero, which is bold new move to enter a space owned by the Rav 4 and Vitara. Once McEniry cooled his heels, he told us that the diesel 4WD was "the closest you could get to a rally car". The gushing clichés didn’t stop until it was finally described as a Pocket Rocket.

A new gentle giant

Mercedes moved the show on by announcing their GL-Class luxury SUV. Described as a gentle giant the 5.5 litre V8 gets to 100 in 6.5 seconds with a top speed of 210 km/h. There was no debate that factors are important in a monster truck and it may have had to do with the fact everyone was still looking at the Mitsubishi models just metres away.

Compere Tim Webster was compelled to pick his jaw up and absent mindedly mumble "We’ve seen a lot of beautiful things here today on four wheels and two legs."

The curse of the Mitsubishi models was only broken once speakers at the Peugeot stand blared Jet’s latest single 'Show me the Money'.

Not because the song is any good. Falsetto has a cool threshold that’s as high as a wrestling midget is funny.

The show stopper

If jaw had dropped at the six Mitsubishi models, they had only fractured. Peugeot only had one model, but she was naked.

Painted like some generic jungle cat, the Peugeot model writhed around the new 207 and commanded the same attention that Selma Hayak did in From Dusk till Dawn.

The naked 207 is due to arrive naked at the start of 2007. Designed by naked Peugeot stylists, the glass roof is perfectly naked…err, it’s diesel, and it’s got good fuel consumption and naked emissions….and stuff. It’s really good.

Actually, it looks a bit heavier with a fatter nose and we hope the handling hasn’t lost the fun of its heritage.

Anyway, that ended the first half of the show and frankly we needed a break to regain some composure. Part two follows here.